i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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