I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
After last night, I could never be a politician.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
