We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
