Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
