I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
