i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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