I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
