Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
