fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
