Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
