"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i dont even know how to be here
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
