Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
