evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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