sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
