Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's like iHOP with fire
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
