My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
