fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
