sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
