wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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