So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
