even my farts smell like vagina
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
