I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
