This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
