I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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