Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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