I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
