saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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