Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
