im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
