I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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