i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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