You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
