is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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