I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
