How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
