I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
