I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
