i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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