your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
