I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
