I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
