wakey wakey hands off snakey
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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