Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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