The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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