just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
