drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
