just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
