It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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