Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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