the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
