Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
