wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
