I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
