if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
