I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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