Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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