It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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