it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
