you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
