I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
