how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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