dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
