im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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