I wish I could teleport
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
