I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
