i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
