you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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