Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
