o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish life had little blips of pornography
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
