At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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