hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
