my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
