i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
