If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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