you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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